Micro cheating is a trending term gaining recognition online that is not yet clinically defined but has captured notoriety with the rise of social media. It is often referred to as a small act or acts of betrayal that breech trust in a relationship. Whether or not a partner participated in micro cheating is completely subjective and is decided based on the beliefs of each partner. These beliefs define what is classified as a “betrayal” or not in a relationship.
Boundaries in Relationships
Every relationship, whether it’s a traditional relationship or non-traditional relationship, has its boundaries. In healthy relationships, these boundaries are explicitly established early on. They provide guidelines for what partners believe is appropriate to do or not to do while in a relationship. For example, some partners are okay with their significant other flirting with others, as long as it doesn’t go too far. On the other hand, many others could consider this a boundary violation for the relationship.
When these boundaries are not explicitly discussed in the relationship, assumptions can be made. When assumptions are made about what the boundaries are, micro cheating can occur. Conversely, sometimes boundaries are established in the relationship, and micro cheating can still occur. When this happens, it is a blatant boundary violation and disrespectful to the opposite partner.
Examples of Micro Cheating
What can be considered micro cheating? Here are some examples:
- Reaching out to an ex-partner, even in a friendly or light conversation.
- Liking someone else’s photos on social media, especially when the pictures are more sexual in nature (i.e.- “thirst trap” photos).
- Exuberating flirtatiousness toward others.
- Purposefully omitting signs of being in a relationship, including leaving a ring at home.
- Not clearly turning down advances from others
What does Micro Cheating Do to a Relationship?
Micro cheating, much like any betrayal, can tear at the trust of a relationship and break the bond between partners. Trust is usually difficult to rebuild and can take years to fully reestablish, if at all. Also, as a result of micro cheating, many questions can arise about what else the person could be doing that is unknown to them. This can create worry or suspicion about the other person. It also elicits questions of what their level of emotional or physical commitment is to the relationship.
After this type of betrayal, the self-esteem of the partner who was “micro-cheated on” understandably takes a hit. This person may want to know why their partner was seeking any form of attention outside of the relationship. They may also want to know what this means for the future of their relationship going forward.
How to Avoid Micro Cheating
Every relationship should have an initial conversation about boundaries at the start of the union. This open dialogue should be continuous, and items can be added or taken away from the boundary list together, as long as everyone agrees to follow the same standards. If partners cannot respect the boundaries or at least come to a reasonable compromise, then it might be time to consider whether to stay in the relationship or not.
The only time a compromise with boundaries is necessary is if the boundary is not possible to follow. For example, requesting that a partner never talk to someone of another sex (or same sex if that is their preference) while at work would simply not be possible for that person, as they need to do their job. Boundaries should be attainable and realistic for the everyday person.
Feeling Stuck?
If you’re not sure how to approach your partner about setting boundaries in your relationship, or you’ve already experienced a boundary violation, couples therapy can help! Start repairing your relationship today. Reach out to Sara today to get started!