Sara had the pleasure of being interviewed by Vogue for her expert commentary! Author Christina Perez requested highly experienced couple’s therapists to weigh in on the subject of the “honeymoon phase” in relationships. Check out the published article here: How Long Does the Honeymoon Phase Last?
The Honeymoon Phase, according to Sara
The honeymoon phase of a relationship, also called limerence, is associated with intense feelings of infatuation or “puppy love”. During this phase, neurotransmitters are being released at high levels in the brain, which can result in the feelings of “butterflies” or euphoria. Even though this phase can feel dreamy and be a happy time, partners can also have blinders on while not noticing potential dysfunctional patterns in the relationship. Everything their partner does during the initial honeymoon phase can be seen as all good, and it may be hard to identify red flags for the future.
Without building a solid healthy foundation in the relationship, these intense feelings can start to dissipate anywhere from six months to two years into the relationship. This initial honeymoon phase can appear to be over when partners are suddenly noticing habits or personality traits which they find annoying, are uncovering dysfunctional behaviors that they didn’t otherwise consider, and experiencing an increase in escalating conflict. This means that the feelings of euphoria are no longer clouding the judgement of each partner. However, couples can still work through this time effectively with the right skills and sustained efforts.
Can it Last?
Healthy couples can continue to experience moments of “butterflies” if there is a mutually conscious effort to keep the core pillars of the relationship strong. Dr. John Gottman of Gottman Method Couples Therapy believes that partners can continue to be “in awe” of each other through a culture of appreciation, fondness, and admiration, as the underlying systems of friendship and intimacy continue. Romance, passion, and sex can still remain intact with attunement to each other’s needs. This requires repeated, intentional, and conscious efforts.
The next step after limerence or the initial honeymoon phase includes building trust in the relationship. During this time conflict can arise at higher levels, and it is in these moments that partners want to know if they can trust each other to be there in times of need. Gottman believes that if partners can “turn toward” and attune to each other during this phase, then trust is built. After building trust, partners want to know that the power in the relationship is fairly distributed. This is also while continuing to foster commitment and loyalty to one another to last the entirety of the relationship!
Vogue
Vogue is “a busy multiplatform title that views the wider world through the lens of fashion, wields unparalleled influence, and bears a commitment to values of inclusivity, creativity and community.” This global magazine covers fashion, lifestyle/living, culture, and beauty. Check out their website here!
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